Your Skyrim "head canon!"

[Cazimir]

Potions don't always work for everyone and some in Tamriel view alchemists as charlatans, akin to the traveling salesman in the Wild West who sold tonics.

 

[Psiberzerker]

I've also noticed that the Dragonborn/Nerevarine... is immune to Paralysis, and the only ones who use the entire school of Illusion. Seriously, have you ever seen anyone else use Fury? How about Backstab? The only one in the game is in the Markarth Market, which you can stop if you're quick enough. You'd think with the Dark Brotherhood, Initiates, Cicero, Spectral Assassin, and Jenassa (to name a few) somebody would eventually Sneak up behind some damn body with a dagger... But no, crouch, order Jenassa, or any of the Assassin followers to kill that there Solitude Guard, and they will stand up to charge in like those Dark Brotherhood "Assassins" that randomly attack you in the wilderness. One would think, being Assassins, and all they might possibly, IDK Assassinate someone? Instead, they yell "Now you die!" and make real sure you know they're there before ninja sprinting up, and engaging with Dual Weild. No wonder the DBH is in decline...

I have no explanation for any of this, it just annoys me. I know you're supposed to be Special, and all, but I don't remember the Prophecy mentioning the Dovakiin being the only one with any damned sense.

 

[Neriad13]

But here's a little tidbit that is actually in the game, if you can put two and two together. Idolaf and Alfhild Battle-Born are Brother and sister, and they are the biological parents of Lars Battle-Born. It's true. Anyone with the CK can find it, (hint: it's in the relationship tab)

Huh. So that's why the poor kid's too weak to fight and is constantly bullied. He's just incredibly inbred.

 

[Finnsson]

Huh. So that's why the poor kid's too weak to fight and is constantly bullied. He's just incredibly inbred.

I laughed, then felt oddly guilty for doing so. I've always liked Lars, even if he is kind of a milk-drinker. As for Idolaf and Alfhild getting it on, well, that probably goes back to when they were kids. Olfrid was hitting the bottle and constantly terrorizing them, so they had to hide in the wardrobe for hours at a time. Too much close contact.

 

[Valin Oakthorn]

Interesting. I like the idea of Lydia being Balgruuf's niece.
--Khajiit like Bosmer more than other non-Khajiit, and think the Bosmer best understand their ways.

I like this idea, I always considered bosmer, kajiits, and argonians to be... friendly to each other. The only problem I have with it is that the kajiit and bosmer got in a terrible war not that long ago.

 

[Finnsson]

Snakes, and Owls were once common across Skyrim, but went Extinct some time in the distant past.

Never seen a snake, but I always hear owls hooting in the trees outside of Riverwood. It irks me that they never show themselves. Perhaps they're withholding secrets? I'm sure owl feathers have wonderful alchemical properties...

 

[Medea]

The only thing healing magic cannot cure is an arrow to the knee, but on the bright side knee injuries do not cripple anyone or give them a limp. They just "hurt a lot".

Any time the Dragonborn dies or is killed in battle, his body travels back in time and is resurrected.

 

[Jzizzle]

1. Lucan Valerius actually pimps out his sister (Camilla) for the right price... say a Golden Claw?
2. Delphine's secret room in Riverwood is used as a dominatrix den "after hours".
3. Mercer Frey is actually Ed Norton from the Italian Job.
4. Maven Black-Briar is always grumpy due to having a constant hangover.
5. Mjoll the Lioness is the Great Grandmother of William Wallace
6. General Tullius was a History Teacher before being drafted into the Army

Just a few off my head.

 

[Wildroses]

I've also noticed that the Dragonborn/Nerevarine... is immune to Paralysis

I do actually agree with every single thing you said, but I can confirm the Dragonborn is not immune to paralysis. Except it wasn't an enemy who used it on me, it was my follower. I'd just given Vorstag a staff of paralysis (which I must have looted out of a chest as I don't remember an enemy using it on me). We got attacked by a bunch of wolves. I killed them, then suddenly I was in third person going rigid, falling across the limp body of the wolf, and staying there until slowly rolling over and dragging myself up.

Vorstag instantly lost the staff of paralysis on the basis that he couldn't aim it. To add to the amusement for me, he was also my character's husband , so I like imagining what sort of conversation my character would have had with him after that.

 

[Beowin]

Molagbal or w/e hes name is had sexuall activities with Serena!

 

[DrunkenMage]

The game dislikes Stormcloaks so much that the first thing they see when putting the disc in, is the symbol of the Empire.

Hagravens were once very sexy women.

Necromancy is hated by many Nords because they got it confused with Necrophilia.

Frost Giants were once at large in Skyrim until Odin All-Father killed them to the brink of extinction so they are only found in the Dawnguard expansion.

Many Archmages have lost their lives crossing the College of Winterhold bridge.

The Companions in Whiterun came to be because their Captain was so crap, he ran their ship aground... several hundred kilometers from the sea, in the middle of a plains, on a hill... upside down.

Chickens are a protected species under Imperial Law.

Ulfric killed the High King so he could get with Elisif.

 

[Janus3003]

Ulfric killed the High King so he could get with Elisif.

ULFRIC: Fus Ro Dah! *stab*
TORYGG: Urghl *dead*
ELISIF: Toryyyyyg!!!
ULFRIC: *sheathes sword* So... single again, huh?

 

[DrunkenMage]

ULFRIC: Fus Ro Dah! *stab*
TORYGG: Urghl *dead*
ELISIF: Toryyyyyg!!!
ULFRIC: *sheathes sword* So... single again, huh?

More like running away like a bat out of hell. "I'LL CALL YOU"

 

[Cylos]

I like the Fire Salts one. I wonder if I could snort them?

You might start coughing out fire though, almost as powerful as 'Fire Breath'

 

[Jzizzle]

And for some more:

7. Tolfdir loves Christmas time so he can dress up as Santa
8. Urag gro-Shub wants to write a book but suffers from a condition un-curable to Orcs called writers block
9. Vilkas and Farkas used to go on double dates and would try and pull the switch a-roo.. worked a couple of times
10. The Greybeards were actually a barber shop quartet until Parthanax recruited them to the ways of the voice
11. The Thalmor have an addiction to getting face lifts
12. Ancano was a villain in Scooby Doo

 

[Wildroses]

ULFRIC: Fus Ro Dah! *stab*
TORYGG: Urghl *dead*
ELISIF: Toryyyyyg!!!
ULFRIC: *sheathes sword* So... single again, huh?

That would explain why Ulfric doesn't execute, imprison or even depose Elisif if he takes over Solitude. I was always a bit puzzled that he didn't replace Elisif as Jarl. The question of whether Elisif is left alone because Ulfric is still hoping to win her over or because he can't bear to hurt her even though he knows he has no chance will be sitting in my mind all weekend now.

I think the Jarl of Falkreath and his steward were desperate to sell the Lakeview Manor plot of land but couldn't persuade any locals to buy something so near to an angry necromancer attracting altar. So they wrote to the Dragonborn. "Oh, Lakeview Manor is a fine property. Well watered, plentiful stands of timber, fine view, an angry necromancer attracting altar...Want to buy it? That'll be 5000 gold. Let me give you directions to your new property that won't go past the altar. Good news, my Jarl! That sucker just bought Lakeview Manor!"

The reason the College decided to give the newest student who never went to class or studied (and in some cases never did any magic apart from one spell to get past Faralda) is because they suspect there is a curse on the position of Arch-Mage, and the Dragonborn accepted because they hadn't been around long enough to hear the rumours.

 

[Cazimir]

Erik The Slayer writes letters to his father while adventuring. Sometimes he shows these letters to the Dragonborn for critique on his descriptions of environments they've recently passed through.

On a couple occasions, Erik lost the letters he was writing. In the future, an explorer or adventurer will discover these scraps of paper and write a series of novels that vastly exaggerate Erik's experiences. Erik will then become a literary legend.

Skyrim doesn't accurately depict adventures through dungeons. Really, it takes the Dragonborn weeks to get through one, usually requiring him or her to camp out multiple times. Granted this is more like commentary on the game's limitations, but whatever.

 

[Torok]

Everyone can regen health automatically because there's magicka in everyone.

 

[Wolfking]

Why does Mikael have a book in the god damn College of Winterhold? He's a terrible bard, a totally noneffective womanizer who never gets laid, and his book is not helpful.

 

[Janus3003]

Why does Mikael have a book in the god damn College of Winterhold? He's a terrible bard, a totally noneffective womanizer who never gets laid, and his book is not helpful.

Because the socially inept mages don't know that.