Bren
New Member
Preface
Each of us resides in our own Skyrim universe.
We are all Dragon Born; that much we have in common. But we are men or women, Nord or Imperial or Elf or a member of one of any number of custom races. We are fighters or thieves or mages, or a combination of the three.
Those of us who choose to write about our universe must begin somewhere, either in a cart on our way to the executioner’s block, or many years after that noteworthy day.
The Skyrim inhabited by Heimdall Aric Belrud Aamutähti, Dragon Born, Archmage, Companion, Thane of Haafingar, Eastmarch, the Pale, Whiterun and the Reach, is introduced to you in the two-hundred-thirteenth year of the Forth Era. Alduin is defeated, as is Harkon and Miraak. The Civil War rages on. Aric has long since scoffed at any attempt to limit him to adopting only two children. Now, at the not-so-ripe-old-age of forty-four, many of his adopted children are adults themselves, and actively assist him in bringing and maintaining peace to Skyrim, while still finding time for their own adventures. Some familiar faces have aged alongside Aric, others seem to be frozen in time. You may ask yourself “merciful Gods, how long have those two Redguard warriors been standing at the Whiterun gate asking about that woman?” It is a fair question.
As with all parallel universes, this one will diverge from your own in certain aspects. Please allow it to do so. It has a life of its own, as I discovered as I was documenting it.
We all ultimately have an appointment with the executioner’s block. It is what we do with the time we have while we inhabit this universe that matters. Use the time well.
Acknowledgements
A Modder named FalmerBane wrote a small follower mod Noxaura – The Wolf Queen Priestess which introduced Noxaura to the Skyrim universe. She came equipped with a diary. It was during my most recent playthrough that I became acquainted with Nox and, after reading her diary, I thought it would be interesting to continue to add to it. Little remains of that original diary. What started out as a fun little idea grew into what you are about to read and, I hope, enjoy. In the process you may recognize incidents from the Amorous Adventures mod produced by Foxfingers, and from the Fight Against the Thalmor series by Dreifeis, female housecarls where there should be male, a twin sister that did not exist in game, an elimination of the cap on adoptable children, travel times that are longer than those experienced in normal game play, characters and language that will remind you of North American First Nations Peoples, an occasional word in Sanskrit, and magical spells and abilities that are not found anywhere in the Elder Scrolls universe. In my attempt to at least make a passing nod to lore friendliness I spent much time googling “Female Nord Names” and “Maps of Tamriel” and “Skyrim Travel Distances” and, my personal favorite, “How long did Serana spend entombed?”
A separate, and well deserved, thank you to the Skyrim modding community, who have kept Skyrim alive, and allowed it to thrive, for so long.
The Elder Scrolls® or Skyrim® names, logos, branding elements, artwork, etc. are the intellectual property of Bethesda Softworks.
This is a work of non-commercial fan fiction and not intended for, or to be used for, commercial purposes.
Chapter 1
2nd of Evening Star
Traveling from Solitude to Morthal today Railius and I noticed a pair of Vampires watching us as we approached Dragon’s Bridge after nightfall. They were no threat to us, these being the minor variety and rather pathetic creatures, a danger only to cattle and small children. I suppose they should be allowed to exist. At any rate, they are Dragon Bridge’s responsibility to ignore or address as they see fit. We have business of our own. Eventually they will serve Potema, as will Railius and I, when her resurrection is complete.
Railius seemed restless tonight. I'm not sure why, but it concerns me.
"What is it that bothers you?" I asked him
"Nothing." he replied. As he turned to look at the road behind us. "Just a feeling."
"The Divines give us feelings for a reason." I said
"The Divines give us intellect to interpret those feelings." he replied. "That it what I am doing."
“I can take the reins if you require the full capacity of your intellect.” I said
“I can do both, and it is too early in our journey to risk damage to the cart. Oof! If you continue to abuse your servants you will develop a reputation, and no one will work for you in future.” He said, as my elbow found his ribs unprotected.
“Please do not call yourself a servant, you know that it upsets me.” I reminded him.
“Yes, mistress. Oof!”
We departed Dragon's Bridge in the early morning. Our journey to Darklight Tower will take many days. Our progress is slow, but steady. "The Gods teach us patience." I could hear Mother Pevel's voice. "In the boiling of a kettle or the movement of a grindstone." She may as well have added "In the journey from Morthal to Darklight Tower to deliver a message to a small Necromancer cult."
The timing of this trip is odd. I objected when Reverend Mother Catilia told me of it, and that the task was being given to me; but she put up a hand to stop me. We all felt that we were close to Potema’s return, and the excitement was growing. "Now is not the time for anyone to be away. And there are other groups of Necromancers much closer than the Rift. This journey will take me many days just to arrive there. Twice as long to return." I said, but I was not given a choice. "Do as you are ordered. Pray on your lack of Faith." she said. "I do not lack Faith” I said, “I lack understanding."
I still do not understand. Potema herself will draw converts by the thousands when she is reborn, and the Golden Age of Skyrim begins. Where is the logic in sending me halfway across Skyrim to recruit a handful of Necromancers?
“It doesn’t make sense.” Railius said afterward. “And it’s not right. You worked as hard as anyone.”
“And yet I have not been allowed to learn the final mysteries. I have not been included in the final preparations. She does not trust me.” I said
“She doesn’t like you, is what it is. She’s always had it in for you.” He said.
“What have I done to deserve this treatment?” I asked for the one-thousandth time.
“You’re smarter than her. She doesn’t like that.” He said
“There are others smarter than I am that are included in the mysteries.” I reminded him.
“They aren’t young and beautiful.” He said. “You are my daughter in all but blood. Listen to an old solider. Don’t go back. They don’t deserve you. We can find a place to start a new life.”
“You are my father in all but blood. I love you.” I told him, again, for the one-thousandth time. “But I am a Priestess of Potema. That is my life. You know that.”
“I know.” He said. “I just don’t want to travel to the Rift and back.”
His laughter lightened my heart.
We arrived in Morthal late in the day. It feels like we are being followed. It is just a feeling, but it makes me uneasy. I told Railius. "The Divines give us feelings for a reason." he said with a smile. "Your wit is very sharp. Do not cut yourself upon it." I answered, matching his tone and smile. Our common, comfortable banter, but it did not conceal the tension.
"I suspected it since Dragon’s Bridge." he said.
That is why he has been so tense.
We were not the only ones who seemed tense. The villagers in Dragon’s Bridge as we were leaving seemed tense as well. We saw several villagers having private, whispered conversations that would cease when we drew near and resume only after we have moved away.
“They are not usually this wary of strangers.” I said at the time.
“Villagers are superstitious by nature” Railius said. “It’s part of living this close to the land.”
“I begin to think that we are not the only strangers in Dragon’s Bridge.” I said.
“There do seem to be more people, more horses, more mismatched armor.” He said. “I don’t like the look of some of them.”
“They cannot all be bandits.” I said. “There is nothing in Dragon’s Bridge to attract this may brigands.” I said.
“Nothing I know of.” Railius said as we left Dragon’s Bridge.
"Who would follow us for so long? We have nothing of value." I said
"We have you." he said.
"If their plan is to capture me and enslave or sell me, they will die disappointed." I said,
"Does not everyone who dies die disappointed?" he asked.
"Do not read books on Philosophy while the cart is moving. You know it makes you ill." I said.
“It is not the motion that makes me ill, it is the philosophy." he said.
We departed Morthal yesterday and continued east, leaving the road yesterday just north of Labyrinthian, taking a path heading southeast that Railius says leads to a path through the mountains.
“It takes us all the way to Hamvir’s Rest.” He said confidently. “We pick up the main road again there, and then on to Whiterun.”
However, his confidence seemed to dwindle today. We had navigated the southern slope heading down out of the mountains and approached a clearing dotted with trees.
“Have you forgotten the path?” I asked him.
“I think it is that way.” He said in too loud a voice as he walked back towards me. Something was not right.
“What good is a shorter route if you cannot remember it?” I said in too loud a voice as well.
“We got company.” He said when he was close enough to speak quietly.
I knew better than to doubt him
“Where?” I asked
“That stand of trees down there, on the left. It is the only way out, unless we want to go back the way we came.” He said.
Are there others?” I asked.
“There may be.” He answered.
“These are not the ones that were following us. They could not have arrived so far ahead of us.” I asked
“No, these are different men. Maybe the same group, but different men.”
“What do you suggest?” I asked.
“It’s just the two of us, riding in a cart. We make a poor cavalry charge.” He said. “We have to draw them out to gauge their numbers. Once we know that we will have to decide quick what we will do.”
“I will wait until they reveal themselves until I drink a potion. Can you reach your bow and quiver?” I asked him
“Quick as I need to lass.” He said.
“How will we know that there are not more still hiding in the trees?” I asked him
“We won’t.” he said.
More time would not make us more ready, so we started off again. We had covered three quarters of the distance when four men stepped out from behind the trees.
“Four is not so bad.” I said quietly.
“Four is the minimum.” Railius reminded me.
“None of them have bows.” I said.
“The bows will be in the trees if there are any.” He said.
We were now within bow range of the trees.
“Stand to one side or the other lads! You block the path and my lady has business in Whiterun.” Railius shouted.
“You have business here first, old man!” The center most brigand shouted back.
“That wasn’t very nice.” Railius whispered to me.
“And they seemed so friendly at first.” I whispered back.
“we don’t wish no trouble lads!” he shouted, “Let us pass and we can all live another day!”
There laughter was the only answer I required, so I sent a fireball into the stand of trees. The four men turned for a moment to watch its path, and so the center most brigand died never seeing the arrow that killed him. I killed the man next to him with an ice spear as he was turning back, and then raised both the dead brigands so they could engage their recent partners, who were still stunned by the turn of events. Railius jumped off the cart with his sword as I drank a potion.
The two men who had been hiding in the now burning trees had emerged. Bows in hand and stopped to notch arrows.
“Too slow, I think.” I thought to myself and I paralyzed them both as Railius ran up to them.
It was over quickly for them after that.
We arrived in Whiterun finally, an opportunity to stop, buy more supplies, and sleep under a roof, in a bed, and to have a meal we did not cook ourselves. I also found some bargains on books. There was a Khajiit caravan at the gate and I was able to buy a very nice hand-crafted rug and an obscure tome on enchanting that may be quite useful in my research. Railius spent more than his usual amount of time admiring the work of the local blacksmiths. Whiterun is home to what is reportedly the finest blacksmith and forge in Skyrim; the only forge that produces Sky Steel. The look of envy in Railius’ eyes as he admired the swords on display was reason enough for the giant of a blacksmith to keep Railius in his sight at all times.
“He is watching you like you are a thief.” I said.
“He is a poor judge of men if he thinks I am young enough or fast enough to outpace him with an armload of stolen weapons and armor.” He replied. “I can barely run carrying the weapons and armor I am wearing.”
“You did well enough in the mountains.” I reminded him.
“That don’t count.” He said
“Why not?” I asked
“You had paralyzed them before I got to them.” He said.
“Your pride is not wounded, surely.” I said. “They attacked both of us. Should I not play my part in our defense?”
“You played more than your part. And at my age I have little pride left that doesn’t reside in you lass.” He said.
“You spoil me. All men must suffer in comparison. I shall never find a husband to compare to you.” I said after I had kissed his cheek.
“You shall certainly find one younger, and better looking.” He said. “But for the rest, if he don’t spoil you, or open his thoughts and his heart for you to see, good and bad, in the bright light of day, if he don’t love you more than life itself, he is not for you.
“You set a high bar for me father.” I said my voice growing thin.
“You’re my daughter. I set a high bar for any man who would take you from me.” He said, his eyes shining.
Railius signals that we are ready, and it is time to leave. He checks our horse’s hooves once again, speaks a quiet word in his ear, and climbs onto the cart.
Whiterun is a beautiful city. Neither ornate nor opulent, but filled with children playing, warriors of every stamp, and beautiful woman, some in just as beautiful armor.
“I wish we had more time.” I said. “I would spend a week there and take my ease. Visit the farms, the meadery, sit under the Gildergreen and read.”
“You can’t read under the Gildergreen with that priest of Talos bellowing all day.” Railius said. “But I would sit there all day and watch that priestess come and go from the temple.”
“I am outraged sir! She is a priestess, as I am!” I said, the effect ruined by my laughter.
“If she is a priestess like you then she can defend herself without your help.” He said
“It seems to be a very happy city.” I said
“I didn’t like the look of them two standing at the gate.” He said, “They was up to no good, stopping everyone who passed.”
“They were looking for a woman.” I said
“So am I. but I don’t go accosting strangers going about their business.” He said.
“You have women on your mind today is seems.” I said playfully.
“I have been thinking of Vila.” He said. “We would celebrate her birthday during the North Wind’s Prayer Festival. That’s in a few days.”
“I am sorry. I have not kept a good account of the passing days.” I said.
“You have other matters to consider. I can keep the calendar well enough for both of us.” He said.
We rode in silence for some time, each of us consumed by our own thoughts. “It is time to end this spell.” I finally thought.
“It cannot be true that Khajiit are banned from entering any city in Skyrim, can it?” I asked
“Only the caravans are banned, lass.” He answered, his back straightening as he wiped his face. “But it might as well be an outright ban. Most of the Khajiit in Skyrim are in them caravans. They don’t like the weather. Too cold.”
“I cannot say I am a great fan of the weather either, though I have lived here most of my life.” I replied
The road was bumpy. Our cart had seen too many winters and would benefit from new springs. I mention it to him as we return to the main road.
“The cart isn’t the only thing that could use new springs, and that has seen too many winters.” He said.
“Such a fuss. If complaining keeps one young you will not age another day.” I said.
“My knee is stiff in the morning. Injured it in a battle a long time ago.” He said.
It was one of his favorite stories, and I did not have the heart to rob him.
“Was it a battle with Dominion soldiers?” I asked, my face as blank as I could manage.
“It was a battle with Vila.” He said.
His laughter was more than enough reward, and a balm for my heart.
We are definitely being followed. Railius thinks they are the same bandits, but would simple bandits follow two travelers with little of value for this long?
“They don’t always have good cover. That’s the only reason we have any idea of their numbers.” He said
“They must certainly know we have seen them.” I said
“They know.” He answered. “It’s a bad sign that they don’t seem to care.”
We entered the mountains again, taking the pass east of Helgen known as Haemar's Pass.
“They do not seem to be in a rush. They are keeping the interval between us.” I said.
“If they are going to attack, they will do it before the bitter temperatures and driving winds we will find at the higher elevations.” He answered.
“Those conditions will surely disadvantage them.” I said.
“They will disadvantage all of us.” He replied.
“There is a cave on this route that was home to a nest of vampires before an apprentice of the Greybeards sent them all to Oblivion.” I said. “We can shelter there if we are desperate.”
“We would be trapped inside. They could collapse the entrance.” He said.
“But it would be a more defensible position.” I said.
“Not a lot of traffic on this road, bad conditions near the top. Better for bandit hide outs than for bandit attacks. It doesn’t make sense they would follow us this long. There were easier places to attack us.” He said
“unless they do not want us to be found. We start up into the pass and disappear.” I said. “Ample places to hide two bodies.”
“If so, then they definitely aren’t simple bandits.” He said.
“Nothing about this journey makes sense to me.” I said
They attacked as we were coming down the East side of the mountain. Our horse was struck by an arrow and the cart lost control and we skidded off the road and the cart overturned. I am bruised and sore, and if not for the snow drift I would be in worse condition. Railius was able to kill most of the bandits before he succumbed to his wounds, I was able to finish the rest.
I held him while I cried, and sobbed, and wailed my grief at the sky while my tears washed his face, his head on my shoulder, my arms around him.
“Railius? Father? Please. Father, please get up. Don’t leave me.”
I began to rock him slowly then, while I sang a song to him. A mirror image of the two of us when I was a child and had a bad dream. He would hold me and rock me back to sleep while he sang to me. My turn, now, to rock him to the eternal sleep that awaits us all.
I picked a peaceful spot under a tree and then raised two of the bandits and had them dig a grave while I cleaned Railius’ face and smoothed his hair. I only had to fill in the last bit of the grave after the bandits turned to dust.
He was the only Father I had known. For over twenty years it was Railius I would turn to when I was in need, be it a sprained ankle or a broken heart or a wounded ego. “You’re my good lass.” He would say. “You will be a high priestess one day. Be fair. Be just. Be honest. Be the Nox that I know.” I could hear his voice in my head, as the tears and sobbing started again.
Did the Divines send me here to punish me, to rob me of that which I held most dear? Do the Divines even know I exist? This pointless journey has taken my father from me and stranded me in the wilderness. He would still be alive, but for Mother Catilia’s animus towards me. If I am somehow able to return home before her rebirth, Potema will have one fewer servant when she is reborn. I swore it, looking at Railius’ grave before realizing: two fewer servants.
Chapter 2
25th of Evening Star
There is an abandoned shack a short distance from our crashed cart. It is certainly better than the makeshift shelter I had to improvise last night under our crashed cart, when I had to resort to burning some of my books to keep warm. The shack needs work. It is filthy and infested with spiders. While they make fine ingredients for potions, I don't want them crawling on me in my sleep. I raised the remaining dead bandits and used them to move anything still of use to the shack and to construct a patio. I was able to get most of the larger pieces moved before their bodies turned to dust. I burned most the furniture but was able to save an end table, a chair, and an old alchemy station left by the previous owner.
I realized that my map to Darklight tower was inside one of the books I burned. I have no idea where it is other than a day or two's ride East of this shack. Even if I knew the way I would not be able tr travel there on foot with only what supplies I could carry. I will have to find someone that knows the way and that can take me there. I have no idea how I will return to Solitude.
Railius would laugh if he saw me repairing the roof of the shack.
“That’s not the right tool for that.” He would say
“It is the only tool I have.” I would answer
“You have no future in carpentry.” He would laugh
“I am not certain I have a future of any type.” I would answer
“You’re my smart lass. This is just another problem. You have solved harder ones. Remember, one step at a time.” He would remind me.
“Yes, Father.” I would answer.
It began to rain as I continued to repair the roof, my tears mixing with the raindrops.
I discovered another grave near the shack. The final resting place of Konrad Volsgaard. It seems that I am not the first person to mourn a loss here. I cannot decide whether this shack is lucky or unlucky. Two graves near a forlorn shack in the wilderness is two graves too many. But with the roof repaired it is much drier than any other option I have.
I found the remaining ingredients I needed and brewed a batch of healing potion. It is not my best work, but it is good enough that most of my wounds and injuries are healing quickly. The batch was enough to fill two bottles, but I should look for ingredients to brew more as a precaution.
I am running low on some supplies. There is a small village to the north east of me. It is my only choice for buying supplies. Possibly someone could point me to Darklight Tower, but I will have to be careful that they do not grow suspicious about why I ask. Necromancers are uniformly mistrusted if not outright hated. Potema may not be well known in a small village this far from Solitude, but what reputation the Wolf Queen does have in Skyrim is not good. Quite the opposite.
I had no choice but to travel to the nearby village yesterday for supplies. I was not the only visitor, but it seems I was still out of place, and the looks I received convinced me that asking about the tower was a mistake. However, their mood brightened somewhat at the amount of supplies I bought, which included two chickens and more potion ingredients.
“Where can I purchase ingredients for healing potions?” I asked loud enough for others to hear, Healers having a much better reputation than Necromancers.
I paid a boy and his pack animal to transport my supplies back to my shack. He was talkative on the journey back; banal, comfortable talk about local gossip as well as the civil war. It required only an occasional “Is that so?” on my part. I did not realize how I had missed the sound of another voice.
I completed the Blue Moons forge this evening, using parts from the old forge near the shack. My third attempt to spark the flame succeeded, but the enchantment is still not working as well as I would like. At least I can work on my blades and bound weapons again. I will study my texts and work on improving the enchantment.
I planted a garden last week that has been overrun by rabbits. I killed one for dinner this evening, but I cannot bear to kill the mother and her two kits. I suppose there is enough food for all of us and they seem very friendly. They are certainly better companions than the spiders.
Still not one soul has passed by the shack. I may have to travel back to the village again. They surely asked the boy where he brought me, but on one has been curious enough to venture out to see for themselves. I am not surprised. They did not strike me as inquisitive; more likely to murmur amongst themselves while casting me furtive glances than to ask me a direct question. I am sure small villages separated from their neighbors learn to keep to themselves and not get involved in the affairs of others.
I have been repairing the Dwemer bath that someone built on the remains of an imperial tower close to my shack. I started working on it as a distraction, never thinking I could get it working. I need oil for the heater to be sure, but I believe it is ready to test. I will buy oil tomorrow when I return to the village for supplies.
I have become quite the expert on rebuilding and repairing old equipment. The forge, the bath. If I could repair my cart and my horse I could be away from here.
Thank the Divines! The bath is working. I cannot count how many trips it took me to carry enough water up those steps to fill it, but it does not appear to leak, and the heater is burning, and the water is heating.
However, I am sure that the villagers believe I have gone mad from my isolation in the wilderness. They had no idea what to make of my request.
“Oil, miss?”
“Yes, good sir. I wish to purchase oil. Two gallons should suffice.”
“Two gallons, miss? What are you cooking?”
“It is not for cooking, sir, it is for the heater for my bath. To heat the water.”
“Bath, miss? Bath’s make you foul sick, miss. Everyone knows that.”
“Do you have two gallons of oil for my heater, or no, sir?”
“It be Dwemer oil, miss. We use it on cart axels, and the grindstone shaft in the mill.”
“If it is not thick, or heavy, it should do well.”
I paid the boy with the pack animal to help me carry the oil up the stairs and fill the heater, but he would not help with the water.
“That will take forever, miss, and I have chores to attend.”
“I understand, young sir. Thank you for your assistance.” I said.
After that is was a long blur of stairs, but the bath is full and heating, and I intend to lounge in my first hot bath in quite some time with a cup of wine and one of my books, even if I have to wait until midnight for the water to be hot, and read by candle light.
I look around and think that this shack has become a bit like home, and that I shall be sad to leave it.
Upon further consideration, I shall not be the least bit sad to leave it.
I saw another bear today. there seems to be no end to them. Or wolves. I lost one of my chickens before I could scare it away.
I cannot continue in this manner forever. Eventually I will run out of gold. I must be away while I still have the means to do so. There is no regular transportation that stops at the village. The closest city or village where I can hire transportation back to Solitude is Riften, to the south and east. I will have to hire someone from the village to take me to Riften. Then Riften to Solitude. Mother Catilia will not be happy, but neither will I be. I will tell her what happened and how I have lost the only Father I have known for over twenty years. If all she does is chastise me for failing my mission, I will most certainly kill her.
Someone is coming.
They approached on foot, and they were much quieter than their size suggested. They had already separated and were almost on opposite sides of my shack when I stepped out. The one on the left had a shield.
And they had been forewarned. The one on the right had a ward spell ready, the one on the left’s shield was warded as well.
“Not good.” I thought. “These are not simple brigands, and this is no chance encounter. They came with protections.”
I had very few options.
“They are too far apart.” I realized, almost hearing Railius voice.
“They didn’t want to give you an easy target, and that gives you a chance.” He would say.
It was a Frost Atrinoch for the shield man as I cast my bound sword spell and charged towards the man with the ward. He had not expected a series of strikes and ripostes. He kept his ward ready, fighting one handed. He would have to make a choice eventually whether to keep the ward at the ready, but that was time I did not have. My Frost Atrinoch would not delay the shield man much longer, and this one was a better swordsman than me, which he demonstrated on his next parry when he stuck me hard with his shoulder throwing me off balance before spinning and catching my side with the tip of his blade.
I could see it in his face. If he had simply retreated, deflected my spells with his ward, and waited for his companion, I was dead. But he wanted to finish me himself. He attacked with a flourish I could not follow and struck my shoulder next and, as I stumbled, spun behind me to strike my back. He attacked again, but my parry was slower, and his sword slashed my thigh.
I stepped back and cast iron-flesh as he followed me. My wounds were not too serious but would need tending to very soon. I would not survive much longer in this fashion.
“He likes that spinning attack too much.” Railius’ voice said in my mind. “for a moment in the middle of his attack he is facing away from you.”
I needed to make my attempt while I could. I copied my attack from earlier and, as he began to ram his shoulder into me and begin his spin I pivoted and stepped back and cut him across the backs of his knees while his back was turned towards me. His legs failed and, as he fell face down an ice spear from my left hand finished him.
I cast a spell to close my wounds, but it was not having much affect.
The shield man had taken longer with my Frost Atrinoch that I had expected, or my battle with the other man had taken less time that I realized. He still had his shield. “He does not seem to like my Atrinoch” I thought, as I raised his former companion to help me. It was then three against one long enough for me to get behind him. His shield was occupied defending him from his companion. I paralyzed him from behind and his companion finished him just as my Atrinoch disappeared.
I raised the second assassin and while they were digging graves for themselves, I took a healing potion and attempted to close my wounds again. It was then that I realized the seriousness of my situation.
“Something is wrong.” I thought. “I am not healing properly.”
And I was beginning to feel decidedly unwell.
By the time I had filled in the second grave I knew that something was seriously wrong with me.
“It seems they were not only equipped with wards.” I thought, as I removed my bloody clothing and lay on my bed and took my final healing potion. It wasn’t working. Whatever poison it was, it was resisting my spells and potions.
“Divines do not let me die in this shack.” I prayed before my mind grew dark.
“You are a mess.” Railius said.
“I look better than the two that attacked me.” I said.
“Thank you for not burying them next to me. I don’t want them for neighbors.” He said.
“I would not have buried them at all except that I already have trouble with scavengers.” I said. “You deserve more than a grave in the wilderness.”
“A grave in the wilderness is exactly what an old soldier expects.” He said.
“You are not an old soldier, you are my father, and I would build a monument for you if I could.” He said.
“Too much for me. Give me a stone that says, ‘Here lies an honest soldier and man’ and it will be plenty.”
“This bed is likely to be my final resting place. No stone for either of us. But at least we will be close to each other.” I said.
“I will always be close to you, even if you can’t see me.” He said.
“If I die here, we can be together again.” I said, my voice cracking as my tears started.
“We will be together again, never you fret lass. But don’t be in too much of a rush. You have a whole life to live. It was never going to be with me, even if I died in my bed at a ripe old age. You have many more years in your future. A family. Children. A man that deserves you, not that many do.” He said.
“I cannot imagine a future like that.” I said.
“You don’t have to imagine it.” He said with a smile. “I just described it to you.”
Chapter 3
23rd of Morning Star
It was the daughters face that I saw first, as she knelt by my bed. A young mage in training, not used to finding wounded and dying women in the wilderness. The shock on her face was clear. She stood up as I closed my eyes.
“She is in desperate condition.” I heard her say. “She has many wounds, and fever. She will certainly die unless we do something.”
Someone replied but I could not hear clearly. A hand was placed on my head, the covers lifted briefly from me, the cold air started a bout of shivering through my whole body.
‘Please just let me die to stop this retched shaking.” I thought.
“That’s no way to talk lass. Here’s good people to help you.” Railius said
“How do you know they are good?” I asked him.
“Because they stopped. He doesn’t give much away, but those young ones are worried sick about you.” He answered.
“If I continue to shake in this manner, I will loosen all my teeth.”
“What did you say?” a young voice asked.
“I was talking to Railius.” I answered.
“It is the fever.” I heard another voice say. “Give her the potion. After that another blanket. And build up the fire. We should brew more.”
“Are we staying?” someone asked.
“Yes. We will not leave her alone. Set the tents close to the shack. Sara may sleep next to her patient if she chooses. I will make sure the horses do not eat her garden.”
“I am not prepared for visitors.” I said to the wilderness in general.
“Father, help me prop her up so she can drink this.”
“Miss. Miss! Please concentrate. You need to drink this. All of it. Then you can rest, I promise. Open your eyes.”
“Open your eyes lass. A short time and then you can rest.”
“Father, a bear killed one of my chickens.” I told him
“There is no shortage of chickens, lass. We can buy more. Be my good girl now and open your eyes and drink.”
I drank the potion, but whether I opened my eyes I do not remember.
I knew I was much better when I became conscious of the fact that I was not wearing anything under the covers of my bed. His son did not fail to notice either. A young warrior, and attractive in his young way; but still a boy where it came to women, especially naked ones. Sara (the daughter) was the one that seemed most concerned for my well-being, at least she was the one who showed it.
But is seems she had not chosen Restoration as her school of training and asked her Father to look at me.
“She is much better.” I heard her say “But some of her wounds are healing slower than others, and there may be some lingering fever.”
“It is almost certainly poison. A resistant variety. Start making more ointment.” He said in a midrange voice with low undertones. “I will check on her.”
He had the gift of Restoration. He placed his hand on the side of my face and looked into my eyes.
“I need to look at your wounds.” He said. “Sara does not have enough experience with wounds of this nature. It is a violation of your privacy, I know. I apologize.”
He was speaking, but I barely heard it. It was like I was standing next to a waterfall. I felt energy, almost a vibration. I feeling that is also a sound, drowning out his words. It took me a moment to recover before I could speak.
“I would be dead but for your assistance.” I said. “Under the circumstances, a sacrifice of my privacy is a small price to pay.”
“I promise I will be brief.” He said. “It may make you more comfortable if you were to close your eyes. I will ask Sara be present.”
“You are very kind sir, but that is not necessary.” I said. “I am covered in wounds, dirt, and dried blood. I am as unappetizing as week old mutton. And I am in no danger of swooning at the thought of a man seeing me unclothed. You may proceed.”
He did not require Sara’s help, but he pretended that he did to have an excuse for her to be present as he looked at each of my wounds; his eyes lingering over the ones that she had mentioned, that had not made the same progress in healing as the others. He said, "you should recover completely in a few days. The poison that is stopping you from healing is resistant to magic and potions. But, as with many things, to make something stronger in one respect weakens it in others. We will attack this poison the way it attacked you: through the wounds on your body. We are finishing an ointment that we will apply directly to your wounds that should work well." He stood. “Sara will help you.”
His visit had indeed been brief. He left the shack and continued finishing the ointment, as Sara sat on the edge of my bed.
"My father made the potion you drank last night.” She said. “He will finish making the ointment. He is very skilled. His potions and ointments always work. Do you want to try and wash off some of the dirt and dried blood?"
There was nothing I would have like more, but for some reason I asked, “Is the water in the bath still warm?”
“Let me check.” She said. I watched her as she walked up the steps to the bath and test the water with her hand. The it seemed that she placed her other hand in the water and cast a spell. Steam began to drift up from the bath.
“It is just the right temperature now.” She said. “At least, it is the temperature I like for my own bath.”
“How did you heat up the water?” I asked
“It is an alteration spell my father taught me.” She said, “It causes my hand and arm to get very hot and then I place it in the water.”
I have never heard of that type of spell.
“It’s meant as a defensive spell.” She said. “You can cast it so that if someone touches you your skin will burn them.” Then she started to laugh. “My father jokes that he casts that spell on all his daughters when they become old enough to be interested in boys.”
“How many daughters does Your father have?” I asked, smiling against my will.
“Six.” She said
“I can understand why he might consider such a spell.” I said. “I am glad my father did not know that spell.”
She helped me up, wrapped me in her cloak and helped me to the steam bath. The Father and son must have taken their ointment making elsewhere because they were nowhere in sight.
“Father thought you would like some privacy.” Sara said.
“He expressed his concerned with my privacy when he was checking my injuries.” I reminded her, the memory of him lifting the covers from my naked body to look at my wounds still fresh.
“He would never do anything that was improper. You are his responsibility. “she said. “besides” she added with a laugh “he already has more than enough opportunities to view naked women.”
“I hope all his opportunities do not involve women who are wounded and covered in dirt and blood.” I said.
“I suspect not.” She said laughingly.
The bath was bliss. “Thank you for your help.” I said, easing into the excellent water. “I compliment you on the water temperature.”
“Rest a time. I will be back soon.” She answered.
I felt much better coming back down the steps, which is good because the shock of seeing a vampire standing by my shack offering me clean clothes was a shock indeed. She noticed, of course she did; but she said nothing, she handed me the cloths and left without a word. Someone had placed a clean bedroll, bandages, and a small container of ointment on my mattress. Sara dressed and bandaged my wounds and helped me dress. When I lay down, she gave me a smaller potion, and as I drifted off, she said "don't worry. You're all right. I will stay with you."
The vampire found the two graves. Of course, she found the two graves. Leave it to a vampire to find fresh graves. She was probably looking for a place to sleep for herself. At least she waited until I had finished the first meal I had eaten in days before asking about them. It was the first chance I had to explain how I came to be in the state they found me in.
“I am so sorry about Your father.” Sara said. “I cannot imagine how terrible that must have been for you.” She had been brushing my hair when I started to tell the story but stopped when I recounted the bandit attack. I thought she was about to cry when I mentioned Railius, but instead she held my hand and moved closer to me so that our shoulders were touching. She may not have trained as a healer, but she had the empathy of one. She adjusted the blanket around me and waited for me to complete my story.
“And you have been living here alone ever since?” She asked
“Yes.” I answered “I did not have the means to go any great length on my own. I had hoped that someone who come by that could take me to a city and I could arrange transportation. I had planned to ask one of the villagers to take me to Riften, but the bandits found me first.”
“We have a former companion that makes poisons like the one you mentioned.” The vampire said. “You are lucky to be alive.”
Her eyes glowed slightly, and her lips never quite closed. I imagined that she was looking at me in much the same manner that I looked at that poor rabbit before it became my dinner.
“What type of alchemist makes that type of poison?” I asked. I had never heard of a poison that was resistant to magic or healing potions.
“An alchemist that is also a recovering Hagraven.” She answered.
Sara had resumed brushing my hair. “Well, you are in our care now. It will take a few days before you can travel safely, and my father has said that we will not leave you hear alone, so you are more than welcome to travel with us.” She said
“You do not have enough horses for all of us.” I said.
“We will manage.” She said. “You can ride double with Samuel. He will not mind.”
Samuel had been paying discreet but total attention to our conversation, and his look said everything. The prospect of our riding double seemed equal parts exciting and terrifying to him. Definitely, not much experience with women.
I could hear Railius’ voice in my mind: “those children do their parents’ credit. That lads a proper warrior. He can probably recite the whole code. He barely knows you and already he would defend you with his life and expect nothing in return. And that lass there. She has already adopted you as her sister. Bairns don’t get that way by accident. Lita would have turned out like them if she had had the time. She would have turned out like you.”
“Because you would have taught her, and she would have wanted to make you proud.” I said, “Like you taught me. And like I wanted you to be proud of me.”
“You made me proud. There aren’t enough stars in the sky to count how proud I am of you. You’re my good lass.”
A sob escaped my throat as my tears fell unfettered. Sara stopped brushing my hair to put her head on my shoulder and wrap her around me. Her head and arm found some of my wounds, but I did not care.
“They will take me away and you will be alone.” I said to him in my mind.
“I’m not staying here once you’re gone. There’s nothing for me here, though the weather seems to agree with my knee. It hasn’t hurt since we got here” He said, the smile I know so well shining from his face.
He found me while I was visiting Railius' grave. There were wildflowers nearby and I picked some and placed them by his head.
“I love you.” I said to him as I patted the earth above his head; that head of grey hair that only I was allowed to trim.
“I like the way you cut it.” He would say.
He kept his distance and waited for me to begin walking back to the shack. My heartbeat quicker as I walked closer to him, repeating its behavior in the shack.
“Why does he affect me so?” I thought.
“How are you feeling?” he asked me.
“I feel healed, and clean, and fed, which is better than I have felt in quite some time.” I answered. “And for that, I have you to thank.”
“I am glad to hear it, for we must leave soon.” He said, “And I think you will agree that the next time someone is sent to visit you there will be more than two, and it will end badly.”
“I am perfectly capable of looking after myself.” I answered. It was a silly thing to say. The only reason I survived the last attack was because of him and his family.
“Of that I have no doubt.” He said, “But perhaps it is best if you look after yourself somewhere else.”
“I had never intended to make this my home.” I said, “I was only waiting for the means to leave.”
“Please allow us to be those means. We will escort you to whatever destination you chose.” He said, “You are healing well, but it will be several days before you have regained your strength.”
“The head of my order had given me a task to complete to the southwest of Riften, but I burned my map accidentally while I was trying to stay warm.” I told him
“Is that where you wish to go?” he asked me. I was sure his manner changed slightly when he asked me.
“I was given the task, and it is not completed.” I said, “It is near enough to Riften, so if your generosity extends that far you could escort me there afterwards and I can hire transportation back to Solitude.”
For a moment his look changed. His eyes seemed to lose focus, almost like all his mind was directed elsewhere.
We were back at the shack.
“May we sit?” he asked I sat on my bed and he sat in the only chair within a mile.
“We discovered your diary on your nightstand when we discovered you.” He said and my heart lurched. “we had not meant to pry. We did not know what it was. We sought only clues to who you were and why you were living in so remote a location, and how you came to be in the state we found you.”
My face became hot and my heart felt like it would leap from my chest.
“You certainly accomplished your mission of finding out more about me.” I said bitterly “How much did you read?”
“almost nothing. Enough to see it was a personal diary, at which point I lay it back down, and made sure no one disturbed it. But also, enough to know of the task you were given.”
“Do you then refuse to assist me?” I asked. He had already known when he offered to escort me somewhere else. When he had saved my life.
“No. I will assist you. But I must give you news you will find very disturbing.” He said. “A journey to Darklight Tower would be for naught. Your Wolf Queen’s rebirth is ended. I ended it myself shortly after your journey began. Her remains have been sanctified and laid to rest in Solitude. She was given all rites befitting a queen, but she will never rise again.”
It was like someone had cast a spell and paralyzed me.
“Dead. She is truly dead.” I thought. And then: “The man who had just saved my life had killed my queen.”
"I'm sorry" he said.
"I don't want your pity." I snapped. If I had been stronger, I would have killed him.
"It isn't pity.” He said “I'm sorry for the pain I caused you. I would have spared you the pain, especially since you have lost so much on this journey, but I thought it dishonest not to tell you, and I did not want you to be in our company for so long without knowing.”
I looked at his children, sitting and throwing twigs into the fire.
“They were not involved.” He said, reading my mind. “They know nothing of it.”
“The vampire?” I asked him
“Yes. She was there.” He answered
“Others?” I asked
“Yes.” He said
“The Hagraven?” the thought revolted me.
“No.” he answered
“Did any survive?” I asked
“None that opposed us survived.” He said “But we did not search afterwards. It is certainly possible that some survived.”
“You are certain that she will never rise?” I asked
“What we interrupted was not just a summoning, but also a binding.” He said. “They were trying to summon her but also control her. They failed. Failed partly in the summoning, and completely in the binding. She escaped them and us. It was several days later that the final battle took place in the catacombs of Solitude where her remains had laid since her death. The battle was epic. That we survived at all is proof that she was defeated. She is finally at peace. The peace we all will eventually enjoy.”
"I would gladly give you yours now if I could" I thought. But anger quickly gave way to grief.
"I am a priestess of Potema. I was a Priestess of Potema. I dedicated my entire adult life to the return of my Queen. What am I now? I am nothing without her."
"You are not nothing. You are most definitely something. You are young. You are strong. You are attractive, and intelligent, and skilled. That is not nothing"
"You have no idea what I am." I thought.
"My life has had one purpose since I was eight years old." I said. “What am I without that?”
"You are still a priestess." he replied.
“A priestess of what?” I asked
“The answer to that question lies within you.” He said. “Give yourself sufficient time to search for it.”
I walked off.
The vampire found me later as I was sitting by the bath, reviewing in my mind different ways to kill him. I watched her as she slowly walked up the steps, knowing what she had helped him do. She is nothing if not direct.
"My mother entombed me for seven-hundred years to keep me safe from my father. When Aric released me, the world was completely changed. Your world has just completely changed, but at least you were spared the seven-hundred years."
Now at least I know his name.
“You were there with him, when he ended my Queen’s rebirth.” I said it as an accusation rather than a question.
“Yes.” She said it as a plain fact, as if I had asked her if she was right-handed. Did I expect guilt from a vampire?
“What will I find if I return there?” I asked her
“What do you mean?” she asked.
“What did you do to them?” I asked my anger rising. I had never considered them to be family. Only Railius had been that. But I had known them for most of my life, and the thought of them as night walkers horrified me.
“I understand now.” She said. “In answer to your first question, I will tell you that you will not find a den of vampires wearing the faces of your former colleagues. Not by my actions. That I participated in their deaths I freely admit. I have done much worse, for much less cause, In my life, but not on that day. Death came quickly, and permanently, to anyone who stood against us.”
“I appreciate your honesty.” I said.
“It may occur sometime hence that you feel that you owe someone an answer for what occurred on that day. In that event, I beg the honor of being that someone.” She said, as if she was asking a great favor of me. “He would not hesitate to kill you if it were necessary, but it would haunt him afterwards. He is powerful. Too powerful in some ways. But he can also be fragile. He would take your death as a failing on his part, a sin for which he must atone. It would put him into a melancholy that pains me to watch. I would kill you and feel nothing afterwards.”
Sara was next.
"My father just told us. I'm sorry about your queen, and your friends. My father would not have done it if it had not been necessary. You don't know him, so you don't believe that, but it's true."
She was correct, I did not believe it. But there was nothing to say, so I said nothing.
“You have lost so much recently.” She said. “I cannot imagine what it is to lose your entire family.” She sat on the topmost step and placed a hand on my ankle as I lay by the bath. She seems to value physical contact highly. What is she studying if not Restoration?
“Is there anything I can do, anything we can do?” she asked “We could light lamps for them. We could make a small shrine here, and we could say prayers for them. All of us. You are a priestess; you could tell us what to say.”
The contrast between Serana and Sara was enough to make my head spin.
“You are very kind. My mind is too filled with grief and confusion to contemplate anything else.” I answered.
"We are going home, to Solitude. Your queen’s remains are interred there. You could come with us, and visit her once we get there, to say goodbye to her and your friends. Please come. You could stay at our home. We have room. Samuel would like it. We all would."
I have no idea what I am feeling. Live in the house of the man who ended my queen? I do not know what to think, or what to believe.
There was no point continuing my journey to Darklight Tower. Potema's rebirth is ended. Mother Catilia is almost certainly dead, and the mission she gave me suffered the same fate. Did I even have a home to go back to? Do I have any earthly belongings that are not here scattered in and around this shack? Where else would I go, and what would I do once I got there?
In the end, it is better to have a destination, even for the short term, than to have nothing. A trip to Solitude, the Rites of Passage, this time for my queen and, in some ways, for myself. After that is another problem for another time.
“If Your father agrees to what you suggest I will accept your invitation.” I said.
Her smile returned. “He already has.” She said.
Chapter 4
28th of Morning Star
I packed everything that I did not want to abandon, and we were off through Haemar's Pass towards Helgen, back the way Railius and I had come. Riding double with Samuel. He is so nervous being this close to me it would have been comical if I had not spent most of the ride plotting to kill his father. The novelty wore off eventually, which was a good thing because I had not slept well. I have no idea how long I had been asleep when I woke to realize I was nuzzled in the crook of his arm which he had made into a sort of nest. When I stirred and sat up, he reverted to his no-contact rule, but I could tell he was sitting easier. When we stopped briefly for a quick meal and a call of nature, I thanked him.
"I am honored to help milady.” He said.
He smiled and gave his attention to checking his saddle girth, and I could tell that he would not want for attention when he was grown.
When it was time to resume our journey, he got up into the saddle first and helped me as I placed my foot into the stirrup. My wounds were healing well, but even with his help I still felt twinges.
We were riding single file, Aric in front, Serana riding last, Sara riding ahead of us. I missed Railius and our combination of friendly banter and comfortable silence. My emotions were still raw, and I needed a distraction if I was to avoid breaking down again.
“May I ask you a question?” I asked him.
“Certainly milady.” He answered.
Milady. Gods help me.
“You seem young for a warrior.” I said. I could almost feel him smiling as he sat behind me.
“That is a statement, milady, not a question.” He answered, the smile clear in his voice.
“You seem young for a magistrate as well.” I said, my own smile growing. “How old are you?” I asked.
“Seventeen years milady.” He answered.
“You do not need to call me milady.” I said. “My name is Noxaura.”
“You are a priestess. You are under my protection. You are my elder. I owe you all deference.” He said “milady.”
“As you will young sir.” I said. “How long have you trained as a warrior?” I asked him.
“I started training when I was seven.” He said
“Seven? Who would train a boy so young?” I asked
“My father was my primary teacher. He is the finest warrior with sword or Warhammer in Tamriel. When he is away our housecarl continues my training, or he will hire a trainer for specialized training.”
“Are your brothers also warriors?” I asked.
“My brothers are younger than I am, and not yet ready. Two of my sisters are warriors, Rangers, trained in sword, mace, shield, and bow. They are twins.” He said.
“Your father trains all his children?” I asked
“Yes, he trains Sara and my other sisters as well. Sara also trained at the College in Winterhold. My sister Delphine is training there now. For musical training we attend classes at the Bard College.”
“Your father values education I see.” I said. Music lessons. Specialized training. The College of Winterhold. So many children. What kind of family is this?
“He expects us to be ‘well rounded citizens’ as he puts it.” He replied
“Did none of you ever consider the religious life?” I asked him
“I considered a priesthood. I still consider it. And my brother Alesan wishes to be a monk. My brother Blaise wishes to be a Bard” he said.
“You still consider the priesthood?” I asked him
“Yes. Is there such a thing as a warrior priest?” he asked.
“If you chose that as your calling, then the answer to your question is ‘yes’.” I answered him. “You will fare much better than I did as a warrior priestess.” I said.
“You fared well enough.” He said “You are alive, and they are dead. That is the mark of success for any warrior.”
“You are very kind.” I said. “You would be an excellent priest.”
“Thank you.” He said, then “milady.”
Sara turned around at the sound of my laughter.
The day was growing late when Aric made the decision that we would stop rather than continue to Helgen.
“We are well equipped. It will be a comfortable camp.” He said.
“Do not worry on my account, sir.” I said. “Railius and I shared many a camp on our journey.” Just saying his name made me sad.
“I meant no disrespect, lady.” He replied. “You are still recovering from serious injuries. That was foremost in my mind. Please take extra care.”
“You are too kind sir.” I said, my plans of murder temporarily deserting me.
We made camp a safe distance from a Stormcloak camp we passed a short time earlier. Sara and Samuel made a competition of setting up tents, both displaying skill well past their years. Aric cared for the horses, spending time with each and speaking softly to them.
“Can this be the same man who defeated the Wolf Queen and killed my brethren?” I thought
“You are lost in thought.” Sara said.
Serana was nowhere in sight. The last I recalled seeing her was when she dismounted. I imagined the Stormcloak camp nearby and fought the shudder that was building inside me. Samuel was seeing to the fire, and dinner. Sara and I were alone by our tent.
“Your father takes great care of the horses. He shows them great tenderness.” I said. “Serana mentioned earlier that he could be fragile. I did not understand it at the time, but perhaps this is what she meant.”
It was the wrong thing to say. I knew it immediately by the look on her face. I had forgotten how young she really was until her eyes became damp.
It was my turn to hug her. “I am sorry. I had not meant to upset you. I thought it a harmless comment, but obviously I was mistaken.”
“It is not your fault.” She said, wiping her eyes. “It was difficult to watch, and it was recent. My heart is still broken from it.”
“Sweet child.” I said, smoothing her hair. “What distresses you?”
“It was a bandit attack.” She said after a moment “We garner more than our share, seeming by all appearances to be an easy target; a Father traveling with his two children. These bandits sent four men to attack us while three archers stayed behind cover. I will spare you the details of the battle, but it was brief. It was afterwards while Father and Samuel were cleaning weapons that we heard it. Crying. It was one of the bandits. He was younger than I am, and he knew he was dying. There was nothing anyone could do, not even Father. He was crying ‘Mama. Mama.’” She began to cry in earnest then. “My father knelt beside him. ‘what is your name lad?’ he asked him. Caedal was his name. ‘Caedal, I am here. I will not leave you. My father said. ‘I want to go home.’ Caedal said. And then he died.”
She was quiet for a few moments. “My father knelt there with him for some time. He was crying, I could tell. Caedal was one of the bandits my father had struck down. There were other bandits almost as young, but this was the bandit that had cried for his mother. When he finally stood, he walked like a false step would shatter him. He walked to where Serana stood and spoke to her and then stood by his horse talking softly to her while Serana raised two of the dead bandits to dig a grave for Caedal. We tried to convince him afterwards that it was not his fault. He did not make them bandits. He did not invite their attack. But it was like he was deaf to our words. My sister Lucia reminds him regularly that not all the sins in the world rest on his shoulders, but he does not seem to hear. Seeing him like that was almost more than I could bear. I should have gone to comfort him, but I just stood there, like a fence post in the wilderness. Useless.” Another moment of pause and a shuddered breath. “That is what Serana meant.”
“Child, I beg your pardon most earnestly. I had no idea the affect my words would have on you. I regret the pain I have caused you.”
She returned my hug, finding many of my wounds again; but again, I did not care.
“I know you meant no harm.” She said. “You do not know him. You have not seen him in battle. You have not seen him care for a fawn whose mother has been killed. I am his daughter, and I do not yet know the limits of his power or his compassion. Very few know him to his depth. Those that do are blessed, as I am blessed to have him for my father.”
I clearly did not know him, not even slightly. Not the man she described. The man who would kneel by a dead bandit and shed tears could not be the man that I am planning to murder, the man that took my Queen and my brothers and sisters from me.
Sara and I sat together while we ate our meal, sharing our recently formed bond. The family talked about unimportant things. When it was time to retire Sara insisted on brushing my hair before we crawled into our tent and our bedrolls.
Serana had still not returned.
We arrived at Helgen well before midday and turned north. Serana had rejoined us as Sara and Samuel were reversing their competition and taking down and packing the tents. No one asked her where she had been.
Helgen was a beehive of activity, reconstruction progressing at an impressive rate. We stopped only briefly for Aric, Sara, and Samuel to pay their respects to a family acquaintance and purchase supplies. Serana and I stretched our legs.
“You seem easier in your mind this morning.” She said.
“Somewhat.” I answered. “I am still likely to fly between grief and anger, but I begin to find a middle ground of general anxiety when I contemplate my place in this changed landscape.”
“I am well acquainted with the view from the edge of that cliff.” She said.
Heading through the pass from Ivarstead to Helgen we had not seen a soul. Not unusual, since the elevation brings driving snow and biting winds. Turning west to continue to Rorikstead the road was busier. Several times we were observed by small groups of men and women that seemed to be discussing how easy a target we were. Sara was correct: at first glance we should have been a prime target for attack. Youngsters, and one of our horses carrying double. But we passed unmolested.
I was not as familiar with this region as I was with those farther north, but they obviously were, and as we traveled further towards Rorikstead they were becoming more tense. I was about to ask when Aric signaled to stop and dismount. He came and helped Samuel hand me down and said, "Come with me" and took me down the road a small distance until he could point out a small outpost crossing the road.
"Bandits" he said. "It's not always manned. It is now. It is an obligation all holds share, to clear bandit nests like this one. We clear them and destroy the outpost. The smarter bandits do not rebuild them. These are not the smarter bandits. There are only six. Sara will stay here with you and the horses. It will not take long."
I felt the need to inflict pain on something. My something of preference was him. But these bandits would do.
"I can help" I said.
"You could accomplish it on your own were you fully healed; I have no doubt. But you were seriously injured and sick recently. And there could be more of them waiting for us to attack the compound so they could take the horses. I would be indebted to you if you would stay here with Sara. Protect each other and the horses if the outpost is a diversion."
I agreed, praying to my dead queen that they would attack us.
It was over quickly. A short burst of noise, some screams that I would prefer not to remember, and six dead bandits on a funeral pyre that had recently been their outpost. Walking back from the fire to the horses the vampire was the happiest I had seen her. A shudder went through me and I focused hard on the Prayer of Faith to avoid thinking about what had made her so happy, and the screams I had heard. A short time to clean weapons and armor and we were back on our journey, giving the fire a wide birth. I watched it before it became a strain on my neck. “Look at it burn.” I thought. It looked like it would burn forever, burn a hole in the earth. I had seen him start it. I did not know he knew destruction magic. He certainly does not dress like a mage. But that fire was so intense I expected it to burn the rock as well.
We made camp off the main road, finding an idyllic spot near the lake. The usual competition to erect tents occurred, the less raucous tasks completed. Aric had produced a fishing rod from somewhere and we enjoyed fried fish for our dinner. We had stopped earlier than usual, and Serana had not yet disappeared as was her custom when It became dark. I took the opportunity when conversation lagged to ask a question that had been on my mind for some time.
“May I ask a question?” I asked
“Certainly.” Aric answered.
“The recovering Hagraven?” I asked
"Morryn." Sara answered
"Would someone please explain that to me?" I asked
"Morryn was a mage and alchemist living in Eastmarch.” Serana began "She was a normal woman, living a normal life. But she wanted more than to be just an unimportant, undistinguished mage, mixing potions to cure stomach aches. She desired power. She met someone who convinced her that she could give Morryn what she sought. She neglected to mention how. Morryn realized too late the cost of her desire. By then the ritual to turn her into a Hagraven was complete. She had the power she had sought. All it cost her was her humanity. She killed the woman who had tricked her and fled.”
“But she had no home to return to.” Sara said “She terrified anyone who saw her. She was still mostly Morryn, but she felt herself changing. Father, Serana, Sophie and Collette found her half-starved in the wilderness near Windhelm. She was fortunate that day. They brought her to a small shack on the eastern bank of the White River. They fed her, made repairs to the shack, and gave her enough supplies so that she would comfortable, but Father did not know how to reverse the ritual.”
“But her description of the ritual, and her description of how it was continuing to affect and change her was similar to a totem curse.” Serana said.
“What is a totem curse?” I asked
“A totem can be any object combined with something from the target of the curse, usually hair or fingernails. It requires a witch or mage of some knowledge and power to infuse the object with the energy required for it to work as a totem. Once the totem is completed then the witch places a curse on the totem and the curse is delivered to the target.” She answered.
“In Morryn’s case, the totem was a dead bird.” Sara said. “The woman took some of Morryn’s hair and used it and the bird and created a totem, and then cursed the totem. That is how she became a Hagraven.”
“Neither of us knew how to lift a totem curse, but Aric had the idea to simply try the same ritual with one change. Once the totem was completed it would be blessed instead of cursed.” Serana said. “luckily, we were near Kynesgrove, which at that time had a priestess of Kynareth making a pilgrimage to a sacred forest nearby.”
“Lucia went to Kynesgrove and brought her to the shack. She agreed to help. Spohie brought down a bird with her bow. The priestess was more than powerful enough to create the totem. Once it was ready, she blessed it in the name of Kyne. Blessed it three times, she said, because things summoned three times are very powerful.”
“And it worked.” Serana said. “Morryn began to regain her humanity.”
“She is almost completely cured.” Sara said, “But she retained the power she had gained.”
“And some feathers.” Serana added.
“That is an amazing story.” I said. “What became of Morryn?” I asked.
“The curse was lifted, the ritual was reversed, but it would take some time for her to fully regain her humanity. And she continued to suffer from the effects of the trauma she endured. She had nightmares frequently. Certain smells would affect her, as would certain sounds.” Aric said. “We brought her to Markath. The priestesses in the temple of Dibella are skilled in treating trauma. They helped her greatly. Morryn is still there. She continues to visit the temple. They continue to guide her through her trauma, but also to help her to understand and control the power that she gained.”
“And they collect the feathers she sheds.” Sara said with a smile.
Evening arrived, stars appeared, and Serana departed. It was a restful time, the crackling of the fire, the comfortable purring sounds from the horses, and the slow, steady sound of Aric and Samuel sharpening their swords. Sara and I had made a nest of furs against a log. The hairbrush eventually appeared, and she talked about the college in Winterhold, about missing her sisters, about where she may live when she ‘is old enough’. I realized suddenly that I have never heard Samuel or Sara speak of their mother, or Aric speak of a wife. Could Serana be his wife? I see how she looks at him. I am not an innocent. I know that look well enough. But could a vampire be his wife? Could a vampire be their mother? My curiosity was piqued, but my recent misstep with Sara made me cautious about what questions I asked.
“Here.” I said, “give me the hairbrush, and I will brush your hair.”
“I tried to keep the count of his children, but I wandered off the path.” Railius said.
“It is surely no less than nine.” I said.
“That’s a lot of children.” He said.
“And no mention of a mother or wife.” I said.
“Nine children is more than most women can bear safely.” He replied
“Sara and Samuel do not closely resemble each other.” I said
“Different mothers, possibly.” Railius said. “He’s got your interest I see.”
“I do not understand him.” I said. “Who is this man whose painful demise I am plotting? The longer I spend with this family the less sure I am of the answer.”
“You aren’t any murder, lass, you have too kind a heart.” He said. “You are just grieving is all. You are in pain and looking for someone to blame.”
“If he is not to blame who is?” I asked, “It was he who ended my Queen’s rebirth, and took the lives of my brethren.”
“It was his hand surely.” Railius said.
“Then why does my anger towards him diminish?” I asked, “Why am I now ambivalent?”
“Because you begin to understand that he is also not a murdered either.” He answered.
“He rescues orphaned fawns. He saves Hagravens. He saved me.” I said.
“That he did.” He replied
“He mourned a dead bandit who cried for his mother.” I said
“He’s a father. He has children that age. It’s easy to look at a boy like that and see your own kin.” He said. “I know that well enough.”
“His daughter speaks of him as almost a deity.” I said. “His son does also. They are at least partly correct. He is a powerful healer.”
“Give yourself time lass. This is a question with no need of a quick answer.”
“Time, it seems, is something I have in abundance.” I answered.
“What are they doing?” I asked Samuel.
The days of our journey began to blend together. Samuel had lost any trace of awkwardness in sharing his saddle with me, and our silences began to resemble the comfortable variety I had shared with Railius. Samuel’s “Milady”s and my “young sir”s became much less frequent.
It was nearing midday when I saw them. Two wolves. Yearlings, or a bit older.
“They do not appear to be doing anything.” Samuel said.
“That is my point.” I said. “They are just standing there just off the side of the road. They do not attack; they do not flee. Every wolf I have ever seen on my journey’s with Railius has done one or the other. These seem not the least concerned by our presence. They treat us with disinterest.”
“Wolves are common about these parts.” Samuel said. “We will continue to encounter them, usually in pairs like these two.”
“But their behavior. Do you not find it odd?” I asked
“I cannot say that I do.” He answered. “Father, Sara, and I see wolves regularly. More so and closer at hand when we travel off the roads, which we do quite often. The horses do not like them. They investigate us but quickly loose interest, as these two seem to be doing.”
He was correct. The pair of wolves had chosen to lay down on their sunny patch of grass and enjoy the warming weather.
“It is the oddest behavior I have ever seen.” I said.
I mentioned the wolves to Aric during a rest stop.
“It is because we are together.” was all he said, “They will act very differently if you are alone.”
I was about to ask further when I heard a sound, a sound of rushing air combined with a sound like the snapping of a rug as it hung to dry in windy weather. Everyone else heard it and began to scan the sky.
It was to our left, and behind us. His roar as he announced himself was clear for anything with ears to hear, but still distant. The sound of his wings and the air rushing around them grew louder as he flew closer.
“Keep good hold of your horses.” Aric said.
“There is no concealment in sight.” I said.
“He has seen us already.” Sara said. “They have excellent vision.”
“What can we do?” I asked
“Nothing.” Samuel said. “He will attack us, or he will not.”
The dragon continued to approach.
“Gods.” I said. “It is so big, even at this distance.
“It is a frost dragon.” Samuel said. “They are larger than other species of dragon.”
Aric was by my side.
“If he attacks it is for me to deal with.” He said. “Listen to Samuel and do exactly what he says without hesitation. I will do what needs to be done.”
“You will not fight it alone.” I said it as a statement, not a question.
“I will.” He answered. “This is not our first encounter with a dragon. Trust my judgement in this.”
The dragon had doubled in size in just the time we had been talking. I had never seen anything as large as it that was not made from brick and stone. I did not expect emotion from a vampire, and she showed none; but I was surprised at the calm seriousness on the faces of Sara and Samuel. If my face did not display outright terror, then my shaking legs must certainly have.
“Stay with us no matter what happens, no matter what you see or hear.” Sara said. “Samuel and I will not let anything happen to you, and Serana will protect the three of us, but only if you stay with us.”
Aric unfastened his war hammer from his saddle and walked away from us and toward the approaching behemoth.
“I understand.” I answered.
The dragon would be upon us in a moment.
Its roar was deafening as it flew over us. I instinctively covered my ears. Thought was not possible. Sara and Samuel did not let go of their horses. Serana had her horse and Aric’s. The horses were not happy but did not bolt. I had thought a moment earlier that I could not be more terrified. I was mistaken.
Aric returned and stored his war hammer behind his saddle as the dragon continued on its way, is size dwindling as the distance grew.
“It appears that we are not an interesting enough target.” Aric said calmly.
“You will forgive me, but I believe I need to sit and rest for a moment.” I said, as my legs began to fail me.
He had scooped me up before I knew. “You have had a shock. It is understandable.” He said as his eyes found mine and he smiled slightly, his eyes bright and his arms strong. We had never been this close before, and my heart responded accordingly, his effect on me unchanged. “We are all due a rest after that exactment.”
It was a makeshift camp, two tents and poles combined into an awning that was just large enough to provide shade for all of us. A quick meal of wine bread and cheese.
“You all appeared so calm.” I said, a portion of my composure restored by a cup of wine. “You are both so young.” I said to Sara and Samuel. “And yet Your father tells me you have encountered dragons before.”
“More than once.” Samuel said sitting taller and pulling his shoulders back. “Father thinks we are still too young to assist him in driving them off or killing them. We disagree.”
“You disagree.” Sara said. “My opinion is somewhat different.”
“I think it because it is true.” Aric said. “Do not be so quick to wish to fight a dragon, son of mine. Your wish will be granted one day, and on that day, you will regret that you did not wish for something else.”
“You have killed dragons without any assistance.” I said, a statement in place of a question again.
“Yes. Fewer now, with Alduin defeated, and dragon attacks less frequent.
“Who is Alduin?” I thought.
“How many?” I asked.
“Too many.” He said, staring into his cup.
It was too alien an idea for my head to encompass. How could one man drive off something so immense, let alone kill it. It was too much to be believed.
“My first encounter with a dragon was much worse.” Sara said with a laugh.
“It would have gone better for both of us if you had done as I had asked.” Aric said as he looked up and at his young daughter.
“I thought it was going to kill you.” Sara said.
“What happened?” I asked
“Unless you wish to camp her for the night it is a story for another time.” Aric said. “But I promise if you wish it you will hear it in its entirety.”
“I will hold you to that promise sir.” I said.
Samuel pack our shelter and supplies and we resumed our Journey.
It was a quiet evening camp. It seemed the dragon encounter had robbed all of us of energy. Except Serana. She disappeared as usual.
“Where does she go?” I asked Sara.
“I have learned to neither ask about it, nor think about it.” She said.
“That is very wise.” I answered.
“She is what she is.” Aric said. “None of us know what she has endured in her long life, not even I. She has told me much, but not all. I am not qualified to judge her, and I do not have the right in any case.”
“I do not wish to pass judgement on her, or anyone.” I said, not being entirely honest since I had passed judgement on him some time ago. “I was only curious.”
“She would tell you if you asked her.” He replied. “Be sure you are prepared to hear the answer before asking.”
“She mentioned the lengths her mother took to protect her from her father.” I said.
“Yes, and her mother paid dearly for it.” He replied.
“She travels freely, making no attempt to conceal herself, so she seems to be in little danger now.” I said.
“That is because her father is dead.” He replied
“And her mother?” I asked
“Her mother has returned to her study in their family home and resumed her research. She is a gifted Alchemist.” He said.
An entire family of vampires. I was not sure what to make of that.
A giant yawn escaped me. It seemed to be contagious since Sara copied me moments later.
“The two of you should retire.” Aric said. “Samuel will see to the fire and I will visit the horses. It has been a long day and we should all rest well.”
“I will happily crawl into my bedroll and go to sleep immediately.” Sara said. “Right after I brush Noxaura’s hair.”
We stopped in Rorikstead mid-morning to rest and purchase supplies. Aric spoke briefly to the alderman who came out to meet him. Our stay was short, and we continued our journey. The road turned more north running parallel the river and its series of waterfalls. I had learned my lesson the previous day and swore I would never again accuse the days of our journey of becoming mundane. I mentioned this to Samuel, and he laughed.
“Yes, the Divines have either a sense of humor, or a sense of irony when they wish to teach us a lesson on perspective.” He said
“You sound as if you are a priest already.” I said
“It is very kind of you to say milady.” He said
“Are we not past ‘milady’?” I asked
“I would say that it is well to our rear, yet still visible with good eyesight and favorable lighting.” He said
It was my turn to laugh now. “Do they also teach jesting at the Bard College?” I asked.
“I am not sure.” He answered with a chuckle of his own. “I will ask.”
“Will I finally be allowed to hear the story I was promised?” I asked that evening.
Sara rested her head in her hands and made a groaning noise as Samuel smiled and said, “A promise was made, and it should be kept.”
“Bear in mind that it was several years ago, and I have matured and learned much in that time.” Sara said, preempting her defense.
“I will remember.” I said.
“As Sara said, it was several years ago.” Aric started. “She had already had considerable training, but she had not yet attended the College in Winterhold.” He paused for a moment. “It was not meant as an adventure, not like Lucia’s first adventure. We had only meant to visit the statue of Merid-Nunda.”
Merid-Nunda. No one has called Meridia that in hundreds of years.
“Father told us stories of it, and I wanted to see it for myself.” Sara added.
“It is not too far west of Solitude; we could be there and back again before dark. Aric continued. “I requested the loan of four guardsman to deter bandits. We had turned north onto the road that led to the statue.”
He was describing it as if It was unfamiliar to me, but he knew better. His eyes met mine at that moment. The road north they had turned onto lead almost to the entrance of Wolfskull cave, where my brothers and sisters had died. Where he had killed them.
“It was upon us without warning. It had been sleeping nearby, hidden from our view by a small hill.” He said. “We had just dismounted and were preparing to walk up the steps to the statue when it lifted off. It came into view and immediately dove to attack.”
Samuel was no longer smiling. He must have heard this story many times, and still his look was serious. Sara was quiet sitting next to me, her arms wrapped around her knees.
“I ordered the guards to protect Sara with their lives and to retreat down the road as I drew my Warhammer and charged the dragon.” Aric said.
I realized that I was clasping my hands together so hard that they were growing numb.
“Dragons do not like to be challenged.” Samuel said. “Charging a dragon will always draw his attention.”
“That was my intention. It gave the guards time to move Sara away and hide in the cover of the statue.” Aric said.
“I was hysterical.” Sara said. “I was crying so hard I could not speak. I could only scream ‘Pappa’ and ‘No’ over and over.”
“Fighting a dragon is difficult.” Aric said
“That must certainly be the greatest understatement in the last four ages.” I said
He smiled. “You must avoid it’s head or it will surely kill you with its breath.
“This one breathed fire.” Sara said.
“You must avoid its tail, or it will dash you to pieces with it.” Aric continued. “Its wings can produce a wind that can hurl you a great distance, or they can strike you hard enough to stun you. Constant motion is critical. Unpredictable motion.”
“And an enchanted Warhammer.” Samuel said.
“It is a dance that I know well, having lived long enough to learn it.” Aric said looking at Samuel to make his point. “So, it was dodge and strike, and dodge and strike. My blows were taking a toll; a war hammer is a fearsome weapon, even against something as large as a dragon, and I was wielding it with all my strength to stop it from taking flight and attacking Sara.”
“But I did not know that.” Sara said. “I thought I was about to lose my father. There began to be a pressure building inside me. I broke away from the guard that was holding me. I was only wearing robes. He was armored and could not keep up. I ran back up the road as the pressure inside me grew.”
“I was certain that the dragon was spent. I was mistaken, and careless.” Aric said, again with a look to Samuel. “His tail struck me squarely. If he had been stronger, he would have killed me, but his blow was more than enough to knock me down.”
“That was when I saw them.” Sara said. “That was when the pressure inside me burst forth.”
“I was lying on my back, looking up at the dragon when the lightening started.” Aric said “I could see it forming. I could see the bolts as they started to strike all around the dragon.”
“It was not something I had intended. I thought I was watching my father die. I did not cast a spell.” Sara said. “I was not in control of myself. All I remember is screaming as loud as I have ever screamed.”
“But Father was too close.” Samuel said. “The lightening was striking where he was laying.
“It was an impressive lightning storm.” Aric said. “I had only a moment to roll over and cover myself with my cloak. It was chaos after that. Barely enough air to draw breath. It seemed to last forever, but in reality, it was quite short, ten seconds at most. When it was over, and I emerged from under my cloak, the dragon was dead.”
“I was still crying so hard I couldn’t speak.” Sara said.
“She gave me a hug that nearly squeezed the life from me.” Aric said, smiling at his daughter.
“It is amazing you were not struck.” I said.
“He was struck.” Samuel said, “several times.”
“Yet you survived.” I said astonished.
“He was wearing a very special cloak.” Sara said.
“It is this cloak.” Aric said, adjusting the cloak he was wearing.
“It is enchanted.” I said
“Very much so.” He replied.
“And afterwards” Sara began
“And afterwards” Aric interrupted her “We decided we had had enough excitement for one day and left the visit to the statue for another time.”
“So, you see that my first experience with a dragon could have gone better.” Sara said.
“It was a colossal blunder on my part. Meridia protected us that day.” Aric said. “Otherwise we would not have been so fortunate.”
“I had not realized that Daedra watch over men.” I said.
“Not all men.” Samuel said.
A look past between Father and children that stopped further conversation.
“it is a lesson that even I continue to learn.” Aric said to his children. “Dragons are not to be sought out. They are not a test of strength or courage. And they have flown in these skies before man existed. They deserve your respect. Do not treat them as prey. You are the prey, not they.”
“Yes Father.” Samuel said.
Aric looked at Sara.
“Why do you look to me for an answer?” She asked, “You know full well I shall die happy if I never see another dragon.”
“I know.” He said, kissing the top of her head. “but you ease my mind by reminding me.”
“I am entirely of your mind.” I said to Sara. “Once was certainly enough.”
“Unless you are Lucia.” Samuel said.
“Lucia is your sister?” I asked him.
“Yes. She is oldest.” He answered.
“That is a story for another time.” Aric said. “Noxaura will surely grow bored with our company if she hears all our family’s stories at once.”
“There are several words I might use to describe this family.” I said, “but boring will never be one of them.”
“We were there the day of the attack.” I said to Railius. “We were surely there.”
“It seems likely.” He answered
We were in the wilderness near my borrowed shack. The afternoon was warm as we lay on the grass in the shade of a large tree.
“But for chance, we may have met them.” I said
“But for chance, we may have been killed by a dragon.” Railius said.
“It was terrifying watching it approach. The sound it made drove all thought from my mind.” I said. “I cannot imagine fighting one. He fought one alone. He has fought them before and killed them.”
“It is the stuff of the old legends, however light he makes it sound.” Railius said. “He doesn’t make much of it at all.”
“But we have not yet heard the whole tale.” I said. “Twice he stopped the children from speaking. Did you notice?” It was a silly question to ask a phantasm that only existed in my dreams.
“I agree that this song is still half sung.” He answered. “I know that anyone or anything that threatens his children will be sent to Oblivion before they know what is happening.”
“I cannot blot the vision from my mind, the memory of him calmly walking towards the dragon as it approached us on the road.” I said. “My legs were shaking so that if it came to running, I would have fallen; but he walked as if he were on a morning stroll.”
“That was your first dragon.” Railius reminded me. “Don’t compare yourself to him.”
“Samuel would do well to heed his father’s advice.” I said. “It blotted out the sun. My mind still cannot accept what my eyes saw. Only a madman would wish to encounter one up close, let alone fight one.”
“That war hammer doesn’t look pleasant. I would not want to be on the wrong end of that when he was swinging it.” Railius said.
“How could anyone stand against a man who could do that?” I asked. “Potema herself could not. What chance did my brethren have? Their deaths were written once he stepped into that cave.”
“You don’t know that lass.” He said. “He said himself they didn’t search afterwards. There may well be survivors.”
“Would we have survived, do you think?” I asked him “Would we have survived if we had been there?”
“I would have thrown you over my shoulder and run us to safety.” He said. “I would never have let you sacrifice your life for Catilia. Not for her and not for the Queen she worshiped.”
“She was my queen as well.” I reminded him. “And you said yourself that you do not run as well as you used to.”
“Allow a dead man a fantasy or two, lass.” He said. “In my mind I see myself carrying you to safety through fire and frost, my sword deflecting all blows.”
“You are my tower of strength. You have been since I met you.” I said. “But I would have wished to stay and defend my queen.”
“Potema was not your queen.” He said “Pevel was not a priestess of Potema. You were pledged to Cybele. It is Catilia I blame. She was never right in the head.”
“She was devout.” I said. “Whatever else she was.”
“That don’t excuse what she did to you.” He answered.
“I had thought I understood the world or, at least, my place in it.” I said. “I believed I would see Potema’s rebirth. I believed I was one of the chosen few. Then I believed it was my place to avenge my queen and my brethren. Is anything I have ever believed true?”
“I can’t answer that lass.” He said.
“I thought spirits could answer all questions.” I said playfully.
“I’m not a spirit.” He reminded me with a grin. “I’m a figment of your sleeping imagination.”
“I am mistaken in that as well then.” I said. “I seem to have been mistaken about a whole list of things.”
“The list does seem to grow long.” He said, his beautiful face smiling at me. “Perhaps we should start to write it down?”
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