• Welcome to Skyrim Forums! Register now to participate using the 'Sign Up' button on the right. You may now register with your Facebook or Steam account!
  • Hey there, thanks for visiting our fan fiction section. You should only write stories that aren't related to your character's encounters, if you wish to write a story about your character please post an entry in your blog.

    Before reading or writing a story, please make sure to read this thread. Thanks, Guest, and we hope you enjoy this section.

Diego The Assassin

Thalmor Slaughterer.
Editors Note: This story will be following the story of my current Skyrim character Diego The Assassin. I will be going into detail for several parts of the story.

Prologue

It was a rainy day; clouds surrounded most of the Imperial city. The only noises in the entire city were the footsteps of the Imperial soldiers. “There is something wrong, did you notice that most of the city was rather…” A man hesitantly started, Bark! Bark! A dog noted “Blade!” A small child exclaimed “Diego, keep your dog quiet! As for the matter at hand, I definitely noticed” A woman who was wearing noble clothes said. The room was silent again, at least for a short time. “Mama! I’m hungry!” Diego exclaimed Just as the woman started to open her lips to speak there was a large clash, it rattled the entire building. “The Thalmor!” someone yelled, another crash. This crash shattered a window “son of a skeever!” The man yelled, he ran to a display case and took out a weapon, a glass sword. “We need to move, now!” The man yelled, everyone followed his command (even the dog) there was one more crash, however unlike the others, a fire spread thorough a small community garden.

Total Pandemonium swept through the entire city people running around, hiding and looking for unlocked doors. The Tiber Septim Hotel was burning, a large spiral of black smoke made it very difficult to breathe. By the looks of the sky the entire Elven Garden district was destroyed, burning, gone. The Altmer forces had taken half of the city.Only parts of the city still stood, White-Gold tower still stood , however it was fire and leaning to the side, it appeared as a simple gust of wind could take down the tower. "Jesam! What are we going to do?" Diego's mother asked his father "I... I don't know... Maby we can... The sewers! We have to hurry!" Jesam said as the family started to run to a sewer gate to open it. As the family got into the sewers all they saw was fire, dead body's, and a few dead animals. "By the nine... I don't even know what to say." Jesam stated "Astia... grab my hand, you to Diego" Jesam said.


********

The family escaped to the out skirts of the Imperial city. The city was... ruined, you couldn't see any of the city... not even the walls... fire was spread all around the city "come on we have to move, now!" Jesam said, he was fighting back tears... Just as Jesam turned to start walking away he was struck by a glass arrow. "You Imperial dogs will never escape your fate in Oblivion!" A Thalmor archer said as he started to draw back a new arrow. Astia grabbed the glass sword a chopped off the Thalmor's hand, then she stuck the sword in the man's heart. "Jesam!" Astia started "Go! Take the weapon, run, don't stop go... go..." Jesam said. Astia just shook her head "come on Diego, lets go!" "What about dad?" Diego asked "He's... taking a nap" she said hesitantly.

The two made there way to the outskirts of Bruma and started to build a shack, everything was fine. Before long the two had established a small shack by a river, Astia taught Diego to hunt, fish, cook, fight, and lay-low. Astia also taught Diego to be an expert in alchemy. In a few short years Astia thought Diego to be an amazing assassin then the moment of truth, one day Diego was sitting by the pond gutting a fish when his mother came up to him, "Diego, I need to tell you the truth, why I have been teaching you all you know." Diego merely sat a smiled a "what?" type smile "Your father was killed in an attack by the Thalmor when they destroyed the Imperial city. When I was out hunting I saw a small patrol on there way up our mountain, I wanted to tell you earlier or at least make this speech longer but... we don't have enough time, Your father might not want you to follow this path... you must avenge his death! The time is now son, take this sword the, Honorblade. This was your fathers, now go grab all the money and food you can grab and set off to Skyrim, I don't now when, or if I'll see you again but... I only ask one thing. I want to keep Blade by my side." Diego was shocked, he didn't know what to say... do... "Alright mom, I'll go and yeah, keep Blade."

So there it is, my story! What do you think? Thoughts? Ideas? Criticism? All is appreciated and welcomed!
 

Uther Pundragon

The Harbinger of Awesome
Staff member
A interesting start. The biggest thing I notice is grammar. The placement of periods, commas, and things like that. I'm sure someone could offer some help in this area to help polish it overall. I would, but I'm not that great at it myself. There are also a few typo's here and there. Nothing too critical I don't think. The conversations could use a bit more 'extra'. You had a few people talking and rather closely together and I wasn't sure who was talking at first.

'"I want to keep Blade by my side.' This part of the conversation stood out to me. I think you were meaning to type, 'I want you to keep Blade by your side.'?

Maybe extend the ending just a little bit to build up more suspense with Diego being thrust out on his own. It seemed to me he didn't care that he had to leave everything behind and just 'go'. Maybe touch up on it a bit more. A little bit more emotion.

Overall I think this is a good start and I'm looking forward to more.
 
Top